It's been way too long and some how over the past school year I managed to lose myself.
I let the world come caving in around me and I became buried under piles of hurt and confusion.
This is the truth.
They (upper class girls) said junior year would be the worst....I don't think anything could have prepared me for it. To make matters worse I started the year off not knowing hardly anyone in my class and feeling alone. (That being said---one of the good things that did come from this year was the friendships that I made with my classmates.) We went to Chicago and I was in constant turmoil the whole time I was there. I fought with myself tooth and nail. I didn't completely finish a project all year. This makes me sad and I let it make me sad more than I like to admit. I tried to be strong and I tried to learn from my procrastination mistakes but I didn't get anywhere. When I am unhappy with something...I get to the point that I care nothing about whatever that "something" may be and I just can't get anything done that has to do with that "something". So what did I do??
I barely made it through junior year (5th year of college for me).
It wasn't all completely bad. I discovered this crazy love I have for working with wood and found out that it is the one thing in this world that I can do and be completely calm.
I don't know that this journey is one directed solely at becoming an interior designer. Either way it is a journey complete with tons of ups and downs. For the most part I think it has something to do with me losing and finding myself.
Somewhere along the way I let myself slip and stopped working out and started eating way unhealthy again. I regret falling off the wagon in that area more than I can put into words. I can tell you that I felt way way better when I was still working out regularly and it is way harder to start back than I ever thought it would be.
I lost too many nights of sleep....honestly I just lost count... This just makes my head spin thinking about it. My studio chair leans back pretty far....I know this because I slept in it a few times in between classes.
I know I am being deep....I do apologize but I need these things to be on the table before I pick this blog back up....and I am serious this time I will be blogging more regularly again now....this makes me smile.
During the last few days of school I received an email from the school... It was about an internship in Memphis. I had already turned down a few other summer opportunities because I felt like there was something more that I needed to do this summer. I needed to find myself, find my place again, make some sense of things, and clean my apartment. I even made the decision to work part time for the summer. I was overwhelmed by everything but I knew there was something I needed to do.....back to that internship....I responded on a whim.
I heard back from the girl I emailed....sent her my resume, some of my work, and other info....
for a while I didn't hear back. I thought about it once or twice and decided I would just let it go.
In the mean time I wrapped my junior year up, spent a beautiful weekend with my family on the beach for my cousin (pretty much my big brother's wedding), and telling myself that this summer was going to be good.
Adam + Lori
oh by the way they asked me to be their photographer!
yay!
This is where it gets bumpy for a minute.
My daddy couldn't go to the beach with us due to his doctor telling him that he couldn't ride that far in a vehicle. (I won't go into technical stuff because I am bad with it :p )
His heart was out of rhythm and they couldn't get him an appointment with a specialist until Monday.
He convinced my mom that he would be okay by himself for the weekend and we headed off to the beach with her promising him she wouldn't worry him to death with phone calls.
Monday. I was back at work. My mom went with my dad to see the specialist about his heart. He was sent straight on and admitted to the hospital. Things had only gotten worse over the weekend and from there we got sucked into a whirlwind of craziness surrounded by people that love my family and believe in the power of prayer. Bad news kept coming and we were scared. Somewhere deep down I knew everything was going to be okay but nonetheless I was scared. By the time he came home almost two weeks later he had, had three bypasses and the doctors had repaired a valve. I learned a lot.
More than anything I now know that I am more like my daddy than I ever realized before. He means the world to me and I look up to him more than he even realizes. Sometimes you see things more clearly when situations are the foggiest.
He's home now and on a beautiful rode to recovery. I pray that he stays strong and knows when he doubts himself that I don't....and that I never did, not for a moment.
My daddy is a mechanic. He's been away from work for a good 5 weeks now (I think that's right). His mechanic hands have been away from oil and grease longer than they probably ever have been. He showed them to me the other day and the layers of grease have faded away. I'm sure it'll be back again as soon as possible.
I had no idea that this summer of finding myself would start off with me seeing what I was made of and seeing the man that I am so much like in such a scary place. I know more about me now because of my daddy.
During the first few days my dad was in the hospital....I got an email about that internship.
Of course, I was like what!.....really!? excited and confused hit me at the same time. I needed to know that my dad was going to be okay before I could even think of anything like that.
I did a phone interview sitting on a sidewalk outside the hospital on my 23rd birthday.
Talk about not expecting something...It was a weird birthday for me, but I was at peace with it. At this very moment I know that a bigger picture was being drawn and the Artist's hand was only in the beginning stages.
Fast forward: I am writing this while sitting in my aunt and (new uncle's) house not too far out of Memphis.
I am two weeks into a paid internship at Worlds Away in Memphis, Tennessee. :)
.....by the way I prayed hard for the "paid" part of that last sentence. ;) God is Good.
Snapped this when I was leaving work one afternoon.
Beauty in the most random places.
Worlds Away is a designer wholesale furniture company to the trade. They still operate as a small business (even though they are far from small!). I am in the same office as their main two designers and all of the other people that make the company tick. They have a small retail part that is open to the public. There (aka Worlds Apart) they sell things that are either discontinued, sample pieces, or pieces that are slightly damaged. I am in the retail part right now. Most days single handed-ly manning the madness! ;) It's kind of like treasure hunting for the customers and designers that do come in. There are no nice little vignettes of product set up...just piles and piles of furniture, lamps, and lighting. Complete madness...chaotic, messy, beautiful, madness...and I am okay with that. ;)
I stop in both of the designers offices on a daily basis.
In every situation there are opportunities to learn something new.
In conversation, I threw an idea for a piece of furniture on the table with the lead designer and she liked it. Within the next day or two she had a drawing of it.
Tiny nothingness to some. But to me a huge smile and one step closer to a dream.
That's all I got. I should be sleeping. My mom will see the time on this and tell me I know better but this was on my heart.
Sorry mom ;)
Smile :)
Daddy & Moma :D
This pretty much covers it all.
That's my daddy yall :)
